What to do in the "Meantime"

What is the "Meantime" you ask? The meantime is that time between "classmates and soul mates". We can take advantage of this time in our lives, and instead of sitting, waiting and wishing for that special person to come along we can use the "meantime" to grow!

step 1. Get to know God- Spend time in God's word, meditate on the verses that talk about who he is, because even if you find the perfect spouse they will NEVER be more perfect than God. Grow to love God and allow to fill the empty spaces in your heart, so that when the time is right you "soul mate" will have to know God to even have a chance at getting to know you!

step 2. Build a community- Nurture friendships! I know the natural reaction is to surround yourself with potential dates, but friends are soo incredibly important! I know that in my time of singleness I have been able to give so much more time to my friendships, and now I have some of the deepest relationships I have ever had in my entire life!

step 3. Do what you love- Develop your talents and through them bring glory to God!! When we are developing our God given talents we will have a deeper joy than we have ever known!

step 4. Discover something new- Is there something that you have been watching to try, or somewhere you have been wanting to go? GO DO IT! There is no time like the present, and this the time in your life when you don't have to support anyone but you. Don't waste precious time, discover all the exciting things that God might have in store for YOU!

step 5. Help others- When we helps others we speak straight to the heart of God. There is some much out there that you can do to improve the life of others! Are you feeling empty or lonely? Go out and help your community, and let your cup overflow!

step 6. Buy "dishes"- Basically this means to just live in the present. Are you filling your hope chest with things you are just waiting to use? Building now for the live you want to have? Live in the hear and now, open your hope chest, buy nice pots and pans (if you can afford it), travel to the places you want(also if you can afford it), live in the here and now, don't live waiting for the life you want. Instead live the life you have to the fullest!

step 7. Be reasonable- Don't look for the perfect person (They don't exist, everyone has flaws), instead look for the person that is perfect for YOU.

step 8. But don't compromise- Don't settle for anything short of God's best. Don't compromise for your special someone, and don't compromise your morals.

Live for God and live in the here and now! Embrace every moment you are given... even the "meantime" ; )

For more on the meantime read: http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0000680.cfm

How to avoid the buddy system

Yesterday I read an amazing article here, http://www.boundless.org/girls/pages/GirlsGuide.pdf. At one point it talks about the 3 types of friendships with the opposite sex. There are aquaitances, companions, and intimate friendships. STAY AWAY FROM INTIMATE FRIENDSHIPS! Not because the opposite sex is bad, or it is wrong to be friends with them, but because girls and guys can not be friends without at least one having feelings for the other. So what does it mean to be intimate friends with a male and how do you avoid it? When you share secrets with someone, that makes them your intimate friend. When you spend large quantities of time together that makes them your intimate friend. When they know what makes you happy, sad or mad they are your intimate friend. Emotionally this is a dangerous place to be... trust me been there done that. You have the feelings of being in a relationship, but without any type of commitment. The author of the article recommends not spending more than 2 hours a week with a friend of the opposite sex. This brings them to companion status. They are your friend, and a part of your life, but they don't know every intimate detail of what makes you who you are. If you allow yourself to have an intimate relationship with someone of the opposite sex you become their buddy girl, or buddy guy. They have all the emotional benefits of a relationship without having to commit at all. "If you are indulging in an intimate friendship with a man who is not pursuing you, you are accepting a cheap imitation of love." Wait for the real love that God has prepared for you, don't settle for an imiation relationship that in reality, is just a friendship. Avoid the buddy system and you will avoid wasted time and a broken heart.

No Ordinary Love... part two

Hello folks. :) Today we're starting part two of the different types of love! This week we're going to talk about the eros type of love. This type of love is physical. It's a love that is solely based on the physical and mental traits alone. The strong emotions start almost immediately (some would even say "love at first sight"), though you do not even know each other that much. With eros love, you see only each other's strengths/good side, everything is rosy, mushy feeling of happiness, etc. 

You cannot judge "real love" between two people based on strong emotions alone. Philos love is a love based on "give-and-take", where two people benefit each other in a mutual way. One partner is still concerned with what she/he can take, but at the same time is also concerned with her/his partner's benefit and therefore gives back in return. Therefore, philos is a higher type of love than eros. 

Eros love can fade. Eventually, if your relationship is based on eros love alone, you're relationship won't last. BUT eros love is a factor when it comes to dating. You don't want to be repulsed by the site of the person you are dating. The key is to start out with philos and then allow that love to blossom into an eros love. 

Next week we're going to talk about the best type of love! Agape!!

How to survive the "Friend Zone"

Friend Zone (as defined by urban dictionary):
The seventh level of hell, where despite all and any efforts to the contrary, no member of the opposite sex will ever see you as anything more than conversation.

Have you ever been stuck in this "7th level of hell"? I know I have... many a time. Don't get me wrong I love being a guys friend, nothing wrong with it, BUT there are time that I wish a guy could see me as more than just "one of the guys". So the question is how do you survive the friend zone without feeling hurt? The most important thing is distance... I know that stinks, but whenever I start to have "more than friends" feeling for the opposite sex and they aren't reciprocated, I put some distance between me and that person. It's easy to get to that weird place where you act like their girlfriend/boyfriend, but you are just friends and that is the only way they see you. You also want to be careful to not act like that person's "significant other" emotionally. There are times when you just can't be there for them. They will have to find another person to get relationship advice from, or pick up their broken pieces. You love them as your friend, but you have to protect your heart, and there are other people that can be their shoulder to cry on. When it comes to friendships with the opposite sex you have to keep the friendship at arms length, because otherwise it will just lead to heartbreak! I'm not saying to stop being friends with the opposite sex, those friendships are important and some of my closest friends are dudes. I'm simply saying to proceed with caution, and remember that the "friend zone" is a very real place. Sometimes it's right where you want to be, and then sometimes it's anywhere but where you want to be. And in those times follow my advice, and it will make being "just friends" a little bit easier!

How to not read into things or give mixed signals pt. 2

Once upon a time there a boy named... Steve. Steve was a nice guy, and he tried his absolute best to do what's right. Steve was also what one would call a... well a ladies man. All the girls loved him, and Steve loved them. They flocked to him, and the nice guy that he was, Steve would flirt right back. Needless to say each girl thought that Steve liked them. Each one thought that they were the one for him. But what these girls didn't realize was that Steve had no intention of dating any of them, he was just enjoying being young and single. Steve was giving these girls what we call, "mixed signals". He was acting like he had feelings for each of these girls, but he lacked the intent. It doesn't mean that he was a bad guy, its just a lack of communication. But the question of the hour is, how could Steve have prevented this miscommunication? How could he have prevented himself from giving mixed signals? First things first, he needs to eliminate the flirting. I understand flirting is fun, but flirting with a lack of intention only leads to confused people and hurt feelings. Honestly we don't even need a second step, that first step is a cure all to mixed signals. Just don't flirt without intention to follow through. It's really that simple. And once we do that, mixed signals are a thing of the past, and we can live a life of healthy friendships and dating relationships. Once we master this step, we are closer to learning how to not date like an idiot.

No Ordinary Love... part one

I want to make it known, that I learned all of this in a program through my youth group called, "True Love Waits". These are obviously not all of my own thoughts, they are a compilation of thoughts from me, and other people who helped set up the True Love Waits program. A few different websites also contributed! 

Today, we're going to start a three part series on love. And the different types of love. So often we misinterpret what love is, and how we feel. Especially since the English word for love is used so broadly, we're going to take a few posts to distinguish between the different types of love used in the New Testament. 

The first type of love:
 
Storge - familial love. 

It is evident, for example, in the warm affection that parents have toward their children. A deep and abiding affection. Most of us have felt this from our parents at one point in time, if not everyday. We all have used the phrase, "Love you like a brother/sister!" I think this is the easiest type of love for us to understand, because we have grown up feeling this love. 

The second type of love:

Philia – Friendship love

We recognize philia and its meaning from the name Philadelphia, that is, the city of brotherly love. This is the love of friendship, best friends, and the fellowship of being with those people you enjoy.

Although philia is wonderful, it too is not reliable since it is also held captive by the sifting sands of situation as well as by ours and other's perceptions and expectations. Unfortunately, we probably all know of a friendship which waned or was severed because of time, distance, harsh words, how someone interpreted another's actions, etc. We have all felt like our friendship love was not reciprocated in the proper manner, This is why when the New Testament commends love, philia is the not the word which is used.

Philia is the kind of bond seen in Scripture between David and Jonathan. It's the kind of love talked about by Jesus, who said: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Philia is the embodiment of everything a true, meaningful friendship represents. Maybe we should try to pursue a Philos love with our 'prospective significant other' at first, before we even think about an Eros love (this will be discussed next time). Relationships that start out with a Philos love before becoming lovers often have more successful relationships. And that's what we're getting at right? We're trying to have relationships without being idiots! 

Philos love is a love based on "give-and-take", where two people benefit each other in a mutual way. One person is still concerned with what she/he can take, but at the same time is also concerned with her/his partner's benefit and therefore gives back in return. Philos love is a mutual, "give-and take" relationship. 

Next time we'll discuss Eros love. I think the love we are most familiar with, and unfortunately try to build too much of the relationship on.

How to not read into things or give mixed signals.... pt 1

Out of my 21 years of life, a little less than half of those have been spent having crushes on boys. I have been guilty of reading into things on more occasions than I can count, and on the opposite side of the spectrum, I have also been guilty of giving mixed signals. Neither is healthy, neither is productive, and both are preventable. Girls, here is the basic rule: whatever you do, do NOT read into what a guy says to you. He says what he means, there is never a hidden meaning. If he likes you, be confident that eventually he will come clean about it. Heartbreak is completely avoidable if you don't read into things, and just take them at face value. Guys, if a girl like you, you're gonna know. She is going to show you, and it is going to be obvious. That's the bottom line. No if, ands or buts about it. You too can avoid heartbreak by simply knowing and understanding these basic rules. I'm not saying it's easy, in fact it's kind of a constant battle for your heart. But it's totally worth it.