No Ordinary Love... part two

Hello folks. :) Today we're starting part two of the different types of love! This week we're going to talk about the eros type of love. This type of love is physical. It's a love that is solely based on the physical and mental traits alone. The strong emotions start almost immediately (some would even say "love at first sight"), though you do not even know each other that much. With eros love, you see only each other's strengths/good side, everything is rosy, mushy feeling of happiness, etc. 

You cannot judge "real love" between two people based on strong emotions alone. Philos love is a love based on "give-and-take", where two people benefit each other in a mutual way. One partner is still concerned with what she/he can take, but at the same time is also concerned with her/his partner's benefit and therefore gives back in return. Therefore, philos is a higher type of love than eros. 

Eros love can fade. Eventually, if your relationship is based on eros love alone, you're relationship won't last. BUT eros love is a factor when it comes to dating. You don't want to be repulsed by the site of the person you are dating. The key is to start out with philos and then allow that love to blossom into an eros love. 

Next week we're going to talk about the best type of love! Agape!!

How to survive the "Friend Zone"

Friend Zone (as defined by urban dictionary):
The seventh level of hell, where despite all and any efforts to the contrary, no member of the opposite sex will ever see you as anything more than conversation.

Have you ever been stuck in this "7th level of hell"? I know I have... many a time. Don't get me wrong I love being a guys friend, nothing wrong with it, BUT there are time that I wish a guy could see me as more than just "one of the guys". So the question is how do you survive the friend zone without feeling hurt? The most important thing is distance... I know that stinks, but whenever I start to have "more than friends" feeling for the opposite sex and they aren't reciprocated, I put some distance between me and that person. It's easy to get to that weird place where you act like their girlfriend/boyfriend, but you are just friends and that is the only way they see you. You also want to be careful to not act like that person's "significant other" emotionally. There are times when you just can't be there for them. They will have to find another person to get relationship advice from, or pick up their broken pieces. You love them as your friend, but you have to protect your heart, and there are other people that can be their shoulder to cry on. When it comes to friendships with the opposite sex you have to keep the friendship at arms length, because otherwise it will just lead to heartbreak! I'm not saying to stop being friends with the opposite sex, those friendships are important and some of my closest friends are dudes. I'm simply saying to proceed with caution, and remember that the "friend zone" is a very real place. Sometimes it's right where you want to be, and then sometimes it's anywhere but where you want to be. And in those times follow my advice, and it will make being "just friends" a little bit easier!

How to not read into things or give mixed signals pt. 2

Once upon a time there a boy named... Steve. Steve was a nice guy, and he tried his absolute best to do what's right. Steve was also what one would call a... well a ladies man. All the girls loved him, and Steve loved them. They flocked to him, and the nice guy that he was, Steve would flirt right back. Needless to say each girl thought that Steve liked them. Each one thought that they were the one for him. But what these girls didn't realize was that Steve had no intention of dating any of them, he was just enjoying being young and single. Steve was giving these girls what we call, "mixed signals". He was acting like he had feelings for each of these girls, but he lacked the intent. It doesn't mean that he was a bad guy, its just a lack of communication. But the question of the hour is, how could Steve have prevented this miscommunication? How could he have prevented himself from giving mixed signals? First things first, he needs to eliminate the flirting. I understand flirting is fun, but flirting with a lack of intention only leads to confused people and hurt feelings. Honestly we don't even need a second step, that first step is a cure all to mixed signals. Just don't flirt without intention to follow through. It's really that simple. And once we do that, mixed signals are a thing of the past, and we can live a life of healthy friendships and dating relationships. Once we master this step, we are closer to learning how to not date like an idiot.

No Ordinary Love... part one

I want to make it known, that I learned all of this in a program through my youth group called, "True Love Waits". These are obviously not all of my own thoughts, they are a compilation of thoughts from me, and other people who helped set up the True Love Waits program. A few different websites also contributed! 

Today, we're going to start a three part series on love. And the different types of love. So often we misinterpret what love is, and how we feel. Especially since the English word for love is used so broadly, we're going to take a few posts to distinguish between the different types of love used in the New Testament. 

The first type of love:
 
Storge - familial love. 

It is evident, for example, in the warm affection that parents have toward their children. A deep and abiding affection. Most of us have felt this from our parents at one point in time, if not everyday. We all have used the phrase, "Love you like a brother/sister!" I think this is the easiest type of love for us to understand, because we have grown up feeling this love. 

The second type of love:

Philia – Friendship love

We recognize philia and its meaning from the name Philadelphia, that is, the city of brotherly love. This is the love of friendship, best friends, and the fellowship of being with those people you enjoy.

Although philia is wonderful, it too is not reliable since it is also held captive by the sifting sands of situation as well as by ours and other's perceptions and expectations. Unfortunately, we probably all know of a friendship which waned or was severed because of time, distance, harsh words, how someone interpreted another's actions, etc. We have all felt like our friendship love was not reciprocated in the proper manner, This is why when the New Testament commends love, philia is the not the word which is used.

Philia is the kind of bond seen in Scripture between David and Jonathan. It's the kind of love talked about by Jesus, who said: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Philia is the embodiment of everything a true, meaningful friendship represents. Maybe we should try to pursue a Philos love with our 'prospective significant other' at first, before we even think about an Eros love (this will be discussed next time). Relationships that start out with a Philos love before becoming lovers often have more successful relationships. And that's what we're getting at right? We're trying to have relationships without being idiots! 

Philos love is a love based on "give-and-take", where two people benefit each other in a mutual way. One person is still concerned with what she/he can take, but at the same time is also concerned with her/his partner's benefit and therefore gives back in return. Philos love is a mutual, "give-and take" relationship. 

Next time we'll discuss Eros love. I think the love we are most familiar with, and unfortunately try to build too much of the relationship on.

How to not read into things or give mixed signals.... pt 1

Out of my 21 years of life, a little less than half of those have been spent having crushes on boys. I have been guilty of reading into things on more occasions than I can count, and on the opposite side of the spectrum, I have also been guilty of giving mixed signals. Neither is healthy, neither is productive, and both are preventable. Girls, here is the basic rule: whatever you do, do NOT read into what a guy says to you. He says what he means, there is never a hidden meaning. If he likes you, be confident that eventually he will come clean about it. Heartbreak is completely avoidable if you don't read into things, and just take them at face value. Guys, if a girl like you, you're gonna know. She is going to show you, and it is going to be obvious. That's the bottom line. No if, ands or buts about it. You too can avoid heartbreak by simply knowing and understanding these basic rules. I'm not saying it's easy, in fact it's kind of a constant battle for your heart. But it's totally worth it.

How To Not Get Burned- learning to take things slooooow

My dear blogging friends, I am not an expert on this subject. I have been burned, I have burns that still haven't completely healed, BUT I am learning the art of taking things slow. I think that this means that I have to step back emotionally, in other words not tell so much about myself right up front. My first instinct is to share. My life tends to be an open book, but God is teaching me the importance of keeping some stuff to myself at first, and then slowly disclosing more and more. True deep relationships are built through a slow process, relationships that are built quickly seldom last very long. This is true even in friendships. My deepest and closest friendships have been built over a period of time, not in a month. We got closer and closer as we slowly but surely started to trust one another more. Another way to take things slow is to not talk to the opposite sex for an extended period of time. (If you aren't dating them already) For example one time over a 24 hour period I had a conversation with a guy that was over 200 text messages, THAT IS TOO MUCH! I was investing emotionally into this friendship in a way that I didn't with other guys in my life. I was already starting to put the relationship on hyper speed, and so I knew it was time to put the breaks on the friendship. One of my friends said "Its better to hurt than to miss and opportunity." And I feel like I used to agree with that statement, but not any more. If I am supposed to be with a person, God will work out the details. I don't have to let down my emotional guard right off the bat just to nab a boyfriend. NOT WORTH IT! I am trusting that my God is a great God, and I can't put Him in a box. He can work in big ways to bring about His will for my life. Hurt is inevitable in life, this I know, but we can do our best to guard our hearts, and seek God's best. Remember "above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." This post may seem harsh, or dramatic, but I've been hurt before, and I never want to be there again. So I'm just trusting that God will lead the way and that a missed opportunity will become a chance for God to work in an even bigger way.

How to recover from heartbreak like a pro

Once upon a time there was a girl who got her heart broken. It's a familiar story, she thought he was the one, she gave her heart to him and never let her mind go to a place where they wouldn't be together. Sound familiar? And then one day her and the boy break up and her world begins to crumble. She doubts herself, love, and if she's really dramatic (like me), God. The girl in this story was in fact me, just one year ago. I was broken... I slept a lot, I cried a lot, I wrote a lot, and I complained a lot. I was generally a "what not to do" when it comes to break-up heartbreak. My only defense is that it hurt, and I didn't know what else to do. But in the course of this past year, God has shown me love and healing, grace and beauty, and how to recover from heartbreak like a pro! First let yourself hurt. Throw yourself a pity part for all I care, BUT do not dwell. Let it hurt, cry if you need to, and let it go! Holding onto that hurt does you no good, but stifling it and ignoring it will only make the pain last longer! Remember, "Sorrow may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning." Next talk to God about everything you are feeling. God already knows but he wants to hear it from you. It's thearpeutic to talk about your feelings, and God always wants to listen. I have a drawer full of letters I wrote to God when my heart hurt the most. God's listening ears are a great way to ease your pain, because lets be honest, God is the ultimate comforter! I can't stress this next one enough, READ THE BIBLE! When my heart ached the most, God's word was a balm for my soul! Even when I didn't want to read it, I made myself, because I knew it would heal me. Romans 8, Colossians 3, and Psalms, all of the above were an incredible comfort! Each time my wound was reopened, they were like a band-aid. Don't be afraid to seek help. After about about 4 months, I went to a counselor to help the healing process, and I wish I had gone sooner! What a blessing she was! It was difficult, and painful but it was freeing! I Know sometimes seeking help from a counselor has a negative connotation, but don't let that stop you from the healing that is waiting for you. And finally, remember that time heals all wounds, I know it's cliche, but it's true. There is no quick fix for heartbreak, you have to give yourself time. In the midst of the pain, I urge you to remember Psalm 37:4, "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." I wouldn't suggest a pint of Ben & Jerry's, or a shopping spree to ease your pain. You may feel better at first, but sooner then later your tummy will hurt and your bank account will hate you. Allow God to come through on his promises, and call to Him to be your comforter, and you will be able to handle your heartbreak like a pro!

Dear Diary... Meagan's view on guarding your heart

Dear Diary,
Today I met this guy. He’s so perfect. We talked for hours on the phone. Then we chatted on facebook until 6am. We talked about everything under the sun. I feel like he knows me better than anyone. He just gets me.
Love,
Me

I’m sure most of us have met that person that we’ve had an instant bond with. Someone who we thought, “Whoa. They just get me. This is awesome.” So we instantly throw caution to the wind and we dive in head first, sharing our deepest darkest secrets to each other. Now you might be thinking, “Yeah, so what’s the harm? It’s not like we’re having sex? Or even kissing?” And you would be correct. Your physical purity is still intact. But too often we forget about our emotional purity. Especially as Christians we tend to think that if we aren’t having sex or making out every time we are with our significant other than we can’t be doing anything wrong. But God calls us to a higher standard, and more importantly, he calls us to “Guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

We so willing give our emotions to someone, but guard our physical purity. Why do we think that our emotions do not matter? Unfortunately, I have met too many people who have given away parts of their heart to people and wish they could take it back. I am completely aware that it is hard not to. But I want to challenge you with a question that a very wise friend asked me once, “What would your future spouse think of what you were doing right now?” That thought is constantly weighing on my mind. Whenever I think about interactions with the opposite sex, I ask myself two questions. 1. Is this honoring and glorifying to God? 2. Would my future husband be okay with what I was doing? If the answer to either of those questions is ‘No’, then I know I shouldn’t be doing it, and I try not to.

I am not saying I am perfect. I definitely have made mistakes, and when I do meet my future husband, at some point I will share with him the things that I have done without thinking about him, and ask him for his forgiveness. But as of now, I’m trying to live in such a way where I won’t have hours upon hours of confessions to share.

So my encouragement and challenge to you as you start your day is to think about your future spouse—whether you are single or in a relationship, is what you doing honoring your relationship with them?

Meagan : )

Well hello folks, nice to meet you! I’m Meagan, and I thought I’d take this time to introduce myself before you read my post. I’m 20 years old and a junior in college. I’m currently a health promotions major, with a desire to go on to graduate school and do research. I love sports, shopping, and spending time with my friends. I have been blessed with an amazing group of friends that have a similar passion for the Lord.

Now as to why I’m writing this. I’m hoping we’ll become well acquainted over the next couple of months as I post weekly about things I’ve encountered with dating. I grew up in a Christian home, and was mentored by an extremely wise, Godly woman. Throughout our 6 years of weekly or bimonthly discipleship, the main thing she focused on (or what I got those most out of) was dating. She had learned through her experience what to do and what not to do, and because of that she wanted to pass on her wisdom. I’m so thankful for her caring spirit and gentle nature (especially when I became immature and didn’t listen to her advice). Because of her, I have learned so much and been saved such heartache, that I want to share this knowledge with you!

How To Not Be An Idiot When Dating

In my 21 years of life, I have come to this conclusion... dating SUCKS! It's not that the people that suck, it's the actual activity itself that sucks. The awkward first date, figuring how how to hold the person's hand, figuring out if they even like you. All of that sucks. Let's just be honest here... it's awful. Maybe you like that "game", I know some people that do. But I am a pretty clear cut person, if you don't like me, just tell me... if you do like me, just tell me. Let's not play this awkward song and dance. It's annoying and I have better things to do with my time. And then you come to that point in your dating career where you wonder, "is this person worth the risk of getting heart broken?" "Is this person the one?" Or even worse, a year or two later.. "why did I just waste 2 years of my life on this person?" Well although I don't claim to be a dating expert, I've had my fair share of heartbreak, and I thought it would be good to share this knowledge with you! Maybe you can avoid those people that just aren't worth your time, and even figure out who is! I'll share what I'm experiencing now, what I've learned from the past, and even how I'll apply that to the future. But don't worry I won't be the only one telling you how it is, my dear friend Meagan will make a guest appearance every once in a while, sharing her infinite knowledge with you. And maybe if we're lucky we can find a guy or two to share, because we don't want to be sexist here on this blog. We are an equal opportunity organization ; ) And when all is said and done you can leave this blog and know that you have learned something. I want you to learn something about yourself, about me, and about the awesomeness that God has in store for you, cause lets be honest here, God has something AMAZING in store for all of us cool kids who are called according to his purpose. Keep your eye on the prize my friends, and tune in next time for more tips on "HOW TO NOT BE AN IDIOT WHEN DATING"! : )